Monday, April 4, 2016

inconvenient

Everyone I know is pregnant.
Ok not everyone, but almost everyone.
It feels like everyone.

I love it. Pregnant moms are beautiful, babies are cute.. I love it.. For them.

I just have a hard time picturing a baby in my life. I think about the day-to-day stuff I do and its hard to imagine a baby in that. I think about all the time I get to spend with my husband, and think how much a baby would change that. I think about how tight money is and wonder how a baby would fit into that. I think about a baby becoming a child and wonder how to balance school and soccer games and homework and I just can't see it.

I'll be honest, I don't love change (I've written about that before) and I don't love doing things I have never done before because I don't know what to expect or what to plan for. Babies are the epitome of all of that and that's scary.

I scroll through facebook, and moms are complaining about no showers and no time for themselves.. They can't even pee alone, they get no sleep, kids are brats, they can't wait until nap time... I wish I understood in my heart that kids were worth it. I see it some, don't get me wrong. But it feels like they are so much more of an inconvenience more than a joy, an annoyance more than a blessing.

I am just being honest here. I am just sharing whats truly on my heart. I know someday I want to be a mom and I want to make my husband a father, but in this new generation, theres a new outlook on babies, and its scary.