Little Dunn

I have a confession to make.
I have baby fever.
Bad.

I have been thinking about babies a lot, pinning baby things on pinterest, thinking of names I like, on and on and on.

Let me say this: I am not pregnant, nor am I trying to get pregnant.

But I have friends who are having babies, my niece just turned eight months old, I am twenty-four and these things cross my mind. The problem is that thinking about these things gives me extreme anxiety and extreme joy all at the same time.

Firstly, the realization that I am bringing a child into the world that is very scary at times. Ebola, ISIS, declining morality, school shootings, its just a nutty place. My faith is tested sometimes thinking about how much I will want to protect the little peanut but you can't protect them from everything.

Not only that, but I really enjoy my husband. Like a lot. I love him more than I even knew I could care for someone. And its just him and I right now. We stay up late watching the shows and movies we like. We have to worry about only feeding ourselves. On Sundays, we get to sleep in a bit because we only have to get ourselves ready for church. If we want to go to dinner just because, we get in the car and we go. We spend money on ourselves. We even have time to take a nap sometimes.

We just enjoy each other and only each other right now.

And I am extremely scared to lose that.

I know I want children. I will be a mom someday. But the thought of it no longer being just him I, just Daimian and Brittany, is unknown territory and honestly a little sad.

Is that normal? Anyone else had these thoughts? Cause at the moment, I feel like a terrible, faithless, selfish human being.

In my head, I know that God is in control, and  I will still have my husband, and once I hold my baby (whenever that is... not now) I will forget all my sadness and it'll be worth it, but right now, today, I am scared for and of a Little Dunn I haven't even met yet.

No Use Crying Over... Egg Rolls?

Last night I cried.
I cried over an egg roll.
Yes, an egg roll... The deep fried pastry stuffed with veggies and pork and dunked in soy sauce.
I don't even like egg rolls that much.
But there I was in the kitchen, tears coming out of my eyeballs.

I am just being honest here, people.

Why in the Moses would I cry over a stupid piece of food?
It wasn't about the egg roll itself... I promise...

I am tired of being addicted to food.

I am tired of passing restaurants on the road and thinking about all the delicousness inside.
I am tired of going into a restaurant, really wanting to make the right decisions in my heart of hearts, but not being able to say no to cheese sticks and Mt. Dew.
I am tired of watching the scale go up and having to buy bigger pants and somehow justifying it in my own mind reaching a new level of denial.
I am tired of it all.

And I am scared.
I am scared that something as ridiculous as food could be so controlling, so consuming.
I am scared that I spent so long not knowing I was addicted.
I am scared that it is something I will never not face.
I am scared that I will never be able to overcome this.
I am scared that I have tried so many times before and failed.
I am scared this time won't be any different.

And so, when I was offered an egg roll, and I knew I had already hit my calories for the day and it wasn't healthy but I wanted it anyways, it was like I had been slapped in the face with all my frustration and fear all at once. Who knows why it was an egg roll that would do that.

But my husband took my hand and he gave me a hug and told me that this time was different. He reassured me that we have more motivation, we are in it together, and we had accountability now.

Addiction sucks. It isn't like heroin, so hear me when I say that. But I have finally come to the understanding that its there and I have to deal with it and I can conquer it.

This time is different. This time I am doing it.

Ghosts and Caution Tape

My husband is a fan of fall.
Like a big fan.
We even chose the fall to get married in because he loves it so much.
And so do I.

This year, he wanted to decorate. Let me give you some context, Mr. D. is a minimalist. When we first got married, I remember one of our first arguments being about the fact that I wanted picture frames on the wall and he thought they were unnecessary. Needless to say, I was shocked when he asked this year if we could decorate.

So he went to the dollar store and found some cheesy Halloween decorations. I am so not into them, but he loves them, so there are cute ghosts on my windows, pumpkins all over (I really don't mind the pumpkins), and caution tape in creepy writing.

I thought it was time I busted out a few less tacky of my own decorations. I have SO many pins on Pinterest, that I decided I should actually do one of these things I pinned. So, I found this sign for fall/Thanksgiving. I wanted to make it easier and less time consuming, so I changed a few things.

This is what I was inspired by, but mine looks a little different. All I needed was a trip to Michael's and a little time in my evening, and boom, I had my own sign.

Here are the things you will need:

• Stretched burlap canvas
• I had never heard of these before, but it is literally what it sounds like... A canvas that has burlap stretched over it to give it a cool look and I didn't have to do it.
• I got a 9x12, but there were so many sizes and they were on sale at Michaels!
• Paint
• I chose two different browns and an orange, but only ended up using dark brown.
• Hot glue gun
• Scissors
• Scrapbook paper in fall-ish colors
• Letters
• Paint Brush
• Jute

I started out by painting my letters since I couldn't find any in the right color. I did three coats because these had black writing that you could see through the paint, but it dried really fast. If you have a fancy machine that will cut out a stencil for you, I am jealous, but these letters were much cheaper than a Cricut.

While those dried all the way, I then cut my scrapbook paper to make my flags. I cut them into rectangles of 3"x 1.5". 

Then I folded them in half (ignore my terribly painted nails)

Lastly, just cut them into a triangle...

I then cut a piece of jute a long as I needed for my canvas size and just hot glued my triangle flags over the jute, like so. 

I then glued on the letters, let those dry, and then glued on the jute . A couple of the flags I also hot glued down, let it dry, and boom, done. That is literally it. 

Here is the finished product hanging on my wall next to my front door. I think it looks very autumn-y (is that a word?) and makes me excited for leaves and boots and Thanksgiving and pumpkins and rain. 

As for the ghosts and caution tape...... Well, I guess I am the best wife ever.