Fred Phelps

Fred Phelps. May not be the most recognizable name, but if I were to say Westboro Baptist Church, one might recognize that more. For those of you who don't know, here is a little bit about what they do:

Recognize it now? 

2 days ago, their founder and "pastor" died. I have seen a lot of twitter talk, facebook posts, and articles written about this death. A few examples:

"Who wants to protest #FredPhelps funeral with me? Bring drinks let's toast & roast!"

An alternative for "Rest In Peace" is "Rot In Hell."

People say being pumped that #FredPhelps is going to die makes you a bad person. No. Being #FredPhelps makes you a bad person.

“I've never wished a man dead, but I have read some obituaries with great pleasure.”

I think you get the picture... Hatred. So much hatred. 

How do we get off thinking that we can do the exact same thing that he did to so many? How do we think that hatred can be cured with more hatred? 

My heart breaks for this man. He lived his whole life full of hate, anger, and a wrong belief in a truth that wasn't true. He founded his entire life, career, family, thoughts, everything on this hatred. What kind of life is that? To me, that is a tragic one. 

Do I condone what he did? Of course not. Do I condone what he stood for? Of course not. I use the word church and pastor only because that is what they refer to themselves as, but please know that is not at all how I view the organization or him, especially when I myself am a pastor and belong to the Church. 

I guess what I am saying is that I just wish that people would have some compassion. Does he deserve it? Some would say no. But do I deserve it? Some could also say no. At the end of the day, God doesn't rank us based on our sins. To Him, we are all equal. He loves Fred Phelps and no one is more devastated that he is most likely in hell for the rest of eternity than Jesus Christ who died for Mr. Phelps. 

How dare we, those who did not pay the price for his soul, sit here and rejoice? That is not love. That is not Godly. Do not return hate with hate. My heart is sad. More importantly, God's heart is sad. 

Reagan Elizabeth

I am an aunt once again.

On February 22nd, my little sister, Laura gave birth to her first child, Reagan Elizabeth Severin.
I have been in love with her since the moment we found out my sister was pregnant, but watching her be born was life changing, and my love grew instantly.

I think the connection I have with Reagan is a special one. Not only is she the cutest thing I have ever seen - well maybe tied with my baby cousin Audrey - but I am grateful to her. When I met my first niece, the situation was much different. She was sick and I had to say hello and goodbye in the same kiss. She is now in heaven with Jesus and I long for the day I will see her again. With Reagan, it was a completely different situation. She was healthy the whole time, no problems, her birth was perfectly normal and she is growing every day.

But I have to be honest. When we had Reagan's shower, there was a part of me that was sad because I realized this was supposed to happen for Alyse too, and it didn't. When I was at the hospital waiting for her to be born, I realized the last time I had been in the hospital waiting for my niece to be born, it was a tragic time. But when I held her in my arms, it was as if Alyse said to me, "Go ahead, love her too".

I guess I was afraid that if I loved Reagan, it meant that I was forgetting Alyse. That somehow there wasn't enough love to go around because I simply loved Alyse so much. That somehow if I wasn't sad that I couldn't hold Alyse when I was holding Reagan, that my heart was letting her go.

Reagan helped me realize this wasn't the case. There is, in fact, enough love to go around, even if it seems unfathomable. They can both be in my heart, just in different ways.

This aunt thing is amazing. I know when I have kids of my own, it will be something so completely different and life altering, but for now I am learning, growing, and loving in ways I never knew possible just by being an aunt.

To Alyse, I love you and I will never forget you. To Reagan, thank you for healing me, and for teaching me about a love I never knew before.

Plan

I love having a plan. I love planning.
Webster defines plan as:

"a scheme or method of doing, proceeding, making, etc., developed in advance"

I find security in a plan. It gives me some sense of guarantee in a world that isn't guaranteed at all. It may be a false sense of security, but nonetheless, I find some peace in it. 

I had a plan when my masters was going to be over. When we were going to start trying for kids. When I could get a grown-up job.

Today, when I looked at my plan for school, I realized I was quite off on the end date. Now all of the things I had planned, all of the security I had, is gone. When do we start trying for kids? Can I go to school and have kids? Should we wait until I am done, even though its far away? When in the world am I finally going to be done with homework? 

I guess its a good thing He already knows. 

"For everything there is a season, and a time for every matter under heaven." Ecclesiastes 3:1

"And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose." Romans 8:28

"The heart of man plans his way, but the Lord establishes his steps." Proverbs 16:9

I guess I learned a lesson about where I should place my security.

It'll all work out. It always does. 

I wish I just didn't stress so much. 

Does anyone else do that too? Or is it just me?