I lost 38 pounds and was doing well.. Then I kind of stopped. I haven't gained any back (thank God), but I haven't lost any more either.
I started trying to process why I stopped, why I even got nervous thinking of losing all 100lbs. Why would someone be nervous about something like that?
I realized over the past few weeks that it was because I have an idea in my head of who I am and if I changed that drastically, I can't even imagine it. I literally cannot picture myself any different than I am right now, just like I can't imagine myself as a 50 year old woman, or a mom... I can't imagine myself 100lbs lighter.
I was making a delivery for my work the other day, and after I rang the doorbell, a kid came to the window, pulled back the blinds and yelled "Mom, there's a fat lady on our porch!" At first, I wasn't upset because I thought, "Well, duh, he means me. I am fat."
But then it made me sad and I realized not only do others see me that way, but I see myself that way. I realized that there is a comfort for me in my weight not changing, in this being who I am because I simply cannot fathom what it would be like to be any different.
As I move forward & lose the 62 pounds I have left, I go with a new mindset. This "fat lady", this weight does not define me and it is not who I am. I have released the need for this to be my comfort blanket. I want to carve out the real me and shed all that's holding me back.
