One Year Later

365 days ago, in a span of 19 days, my life was changed.

I remember opening all my presents, stuffing myself full with ham and potatoes, and enjoying board games and basketball with my family. I tried to sleep that night, but 3:00 am came early, and the anticipation was far too great.

I remember boarding the first plane, comparatively a short flight to Washington D.C. We would eventually travel through Belgium and Rwanda before finally reaching our destination: Uganda.

I remember the smell. It was like a slap in the face as soon as I stepped out of the plane. The heat engulfed me. The air was thick. The bugs were everywhere. It was a world completely unknown and so very different than my home. As we walked out of the airport to meet Pastor Hudson, our host, a huge crowd of locals began to stare at us "muzungu", or "white people". We were obviously strangers in a strange land.

I remember being overwhelmed with emotion. Excitement. Fear. Joy. I was in a land I had only dreamed of visiting with my husband, best friend, dad, and brother. I had no idea how much I would change in just those few days on a foreign continent.

I remember the way the orphans were in awe of how light my skin was compared to theirs, the way they clung to my neck, hungry for affection, the way they sang their songs with dance and energy...

I remember the way the church members were so hungry for knowledge of the God they had recently come to know, how they danced with the movement of their tribes, their genuine gratefulness for our visit...

I remember the Muslims who approached me, asking why I believed in Jesus and not Allah, asking how they could come to know a God who truly cared about them and not just what they could do for Him, and invited us into their home where they had prepared the most delicious African food.

Between the miserable heat, the cockroaches, the lack of Western toilets, the frequent power outages, no pizza, and incredibly long flights, there was a lot that could have ruined my trip. But God used it to completely alter my heart and my perspective. I realized how happy the people are with so little, and how shallow and discontent I can be with so much. I realized how big the world truly is, though I can get very focused on just America as the crux of the earth. I realized how big God is, and how incredible His love is. I learned joy through the children, love through the adults, and brokenness from the orphans. I learned gratefulness.

The greatest thing it did was create in me a burning desire to do something, to be a world changer. And it doesn't have to just be in Uganda, but anywhere I am. I have a new love for people and for my God.

My heart misses Uganda. Its an ache that will not go away. It is my second home, and I place I know I will return to one day. It is the home of at least one of my future children, and a place I am forever grateful to because I am not the same.

Change

I don't do well with change.
I am finding I am not alone in this struggle. 
I have also learned how much of a control freak I am. 
I like things planned, organized, and understood.
I like them my way.

That's just how I am.

But it becomes exhausting.
Because this life is so unpredictable.
The unexpected is to be expected.
And that goes against every fiber of my being.

There are so many Scriptures about trusting God. 
Psalm 33:4 says, "For the Word of the Lord holds true, and we can trust everything He does."

So, then, why is it so darn hard for me?
Why can't I just accept that I am not in control and He is?

Incidents like 9/11, Hurricane Sandy, and the Sandy Hook shootings just add to my feelings of being out of control and helpless. 

Someone tell me they understand. Someone tell me I am not crazy. Someone tell me they fear and struggle like I fear and struggle. 

Someone tell me I am not alone in this.

United in Grief

I haven't turned on the news since December 14.
I refuse.
But, see, I am lucky enough to have that option.
I have the luxury of closing my eyes and living my life without the constant reminder of the tragedy that took place on the opposite coast.

No words I could come up with and nothing I could say could ever help. It could never make anything make sense.

At first we were united in grief. We as Americans and as human beings felt a collective, gut-wrenching sadness and an intense anger for the unimaginable. And then the arguing began as panic swept the nation. Giving guns to teachers? Metal detectors? Taking guns away? Is it God's punishment?

To me, these are things that need to be worked out. I have my opinions about them. But right now, I don't think this is the time to discuss them. Right now, our focus needs to be elsewhere. Our focus needs to be on these beautiful babies and heroes who lost their lives for absolutely no reason. There are families who will spend Christmas, birthdays, and the rest of their lives without their babies, moms, sisters, daughters, sons, brothers, nephews, cousins, friends... Now, more than ever, they need our prayers. They need us to be united as a country for them.

R.I.P.

A Message From Mr. Stein

He Apparently the White House referred to Christmas Trees as “Holiday Trees” for the first time this year which prompted CBS presenter, Ben Stein, to present this piece which I would like to share with you. He says it so much better than I can, so I will let him do that talking.

The following was written by Ben Stein and recited by him on CBS Sunday Morning Commentary:

My confession:

I am a Jew, and every single one of my ancestors was Jewish. And it does not bother me even a little bit when people call those beautiful lit up, bejewelled trees, Christmas trees. I don't feel threatened. I don't feel discriminated against. That's what they are, Christmas trees.

It doesn't bother me a bit when people say, “Merry Christmas” to me. I don't think they are slighting me or getting ready to put me in a ghetto. In fact, I kind of like it. It shows that we are all brothers and sisters celebrating this happy time of year. It doesn't bother me at all that there is a manger scene on display at a key intersection near my beach house in Malibu. If people want a crib, it's just as fine with me as is the Menorah a few hundred yards away.

I don't like getting pushed around for being a Jew, and I don't think Christians like getting pushed around for being Christians. I think people who believe in God are sick and tired of getting pushed around, period. I have no idea where the concept came from, that America is an explicitly atheist country. I can't find it in the Constitution and I don't like it being shoved down my throat.

Or maybe I can put it another way: where did the idea come from that we should worship celebrities and we aren't allowed to worship God? I guess that's a sign that I'm getting old, too. But there are a lot of us who are wondering where these celebrities came from and where the America we knew went to.

In light of the many jokes we send to one another for a laugh, this is a little different: This is not intended to be a joke; it's not funny, it's intended to get you thinking.

Billy Graham's daughter was interviewed on the Early Show and Jane Clayson asked her: “How could God let something like this happen?” (regarding Hurricane Katrina). Anne Graham gave an extremely profound and insightful response. She said: “I believe God is deeply saddened by this, just as we are, but for years we've been telling God to get out of our schools, to get out of our government and to get out of our lives. And being the gentleman He is, I believe He has calmly backed out. How can we expect God to give us His blessing and His protection if we demand He leave us alone?”

In light of recent events... terrorists attack, school shootings, etc. I think it started when Madeleine Murray O'Hare (she was murdered, her body found a few years ago) complained she didn't want prayer in our schools, and we said OK. Then someone said you better not read the Bible in school. The Bible says thou shalt not kill, thou shalt not steal, and love your neighbour as yourself. And we said OK.

Then Dr. Benjamin Spock said we shouldn't spank our children when they misbehave, because their little personalities would be warped and we might damage their self-esteem (Dr. Spock's son committed suicide). We said an expert should know what he's talking about. And we said okay.

Now we're asking ourselves why our children have no conscience, why they don't know right from wrong, and why it doesn't bother them to kill strangers, their classmates, and themselves.

Probably, if we think about it long and hard enough, we can figure it out. I think it has a great deal to do with 'WE REAP WHAT WE SOW.'

Funny how simple it is for people to trash God and then wonder why the world's going to hell. Funny how we believe what the newspapers say, but question what the Bible says. Funny how you can send 'jokes' through e-mail and they spread like wildfire, but when you start sending messages regarding the Lord, people think twice about sharing. Funny how lewd, crude, vulgar and obscene articles pass freely through cyberspace, but public discussion of God is suppressed in the school and workplace.

Are you laughing yet?

Funny how when you forward this message, you will not send it to many on your address list because you're not sure what they believe, or what they will think of you for sending it.

Funny how we can be more worried about what other people think of us than what God thinks of us.

Pass it on if you think it has merit.

If not, then just discard it.... no one will know you did. But if you discard this thought process, don't sit back and complain about what bad shape the world is in.

My Best Regards, Honestly and respectfully,

Ben Stein