I have baby fever.
Bad.
I have been thinking about babies a lot, pinning baby things on pinterest, thinking of names I like, on and on and on.
Let me say this: I am not pregnant, nor am I trying to get pregnant.
But I have friends who are having babies, my niece just turned eight months old, I am twenty-four and these things cross my mind. The problem is that thinking about these things gives me extreme anxiety and extreme joy all at the same time.
Firstly, the realization that I am bringing a child into the world that is very scary at times. Ebola, ISIS, declining morality, school shootings, its just a nutty place. My faith is tested sometimes thinking about how much I will want to protect the little peanut but you can't protect them from everything.
Not only that, but I really enjoy my husband. Like a lot. I love him more than I even knew I could care for someone. And its just him and I right now. We stay up late watching the shows and movies we like. We have to worry about only feeding ourselves. On Sundays, we get to sleep in a bit because we only have to get ourselves ready for church. If we want to go to dinner just because, we get in the car and we go. We spend money on ourselves. We even have time to take a nap sometimes.
We just enjoy each other and only each other right now.
And I am extremely scared to lose that.
I know I want children. I will be a mom someday. But the thought of it no longer being just him I, just Daimian and Brittany, is unknown territory and honestly a little sad.
Is that normal? Anyone else had these thoughts? Cause at the moment, I feel like a terrible, faithless, selfish human being.
In my head, I know that God is in control, and I will still have my husband, and once I hold my baby (whenever that is... not now) I will forget all my sadness and it'll be worth it, but right now, today, I am scared for and of a Little Dunn I haven't even met yet.
I think, that you are completely normal to have that fear, especially because you have waited to have kids and have had more time together. But I know that there is a new love that you will feel the moment you feel your little one move inside of you and that your husband will share that love with you. That new love is what makes everything "worth it". There will be sacrifices a plenty but you won't really mind making them. Your relationship will change but it will also grow in new ways. You will be bonded not only by your love for each other, but by your love for your child. Its kind of like when you get married and everyone tells you how hard it will be, they aren't wrong, but they forget to leave out that you decide if you are going to make your marriage great or not. Having kids is a tough transition, but you can choose to let it strengthen your marriage. I hope this is encouraging to you. You're an amazing person Britt :)
ReplyDeleteI totally, TOTALLY feel you right now. LIKE, to a tee. I want babies, but i too think about all the "what if"s of life and psych myself out sometimes. I just have to declare that God knows my heart, my situation, my capabilities, and He knows the state of the world we live in. And He is STILL BIGGER than all of that. It is also hard to think about what marriage will look like once i am a mom. I get the not wanting to leave that comfort zone. But i feel like i just KNOW how much i'll be glad that i left it the day i get to see a tiny little person for the first time...a tiny person that will grow and learn and hopefully seek to live Jesus and share his love with the world. Sometimes the BETTER "what if" questions are what i need to replace my negative ones with. It helps produce good fruit. Like "what if God uses my son or daughter in a way i cant even imagine and they are like the next Billy Graham and the world changes because of it?" see what i mean? :) it will be a weird transition for you and for me, and for our hubbies, but i don't have a doubt that it will be SO worth it.
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