Sexy

I don't feel sexy. 


I never have.


I got a ton of lingerie at my bridal showers a few months ago. It is hard for me to wear it. 


My skin is not tan. My stomach is not small and firm. My legs aren't shaved all the time. I have greasy hair in the morning, not to mention the bad breath. My arms and thighs are bigger than they should be. I am almost 21 and have never worn a bikini. 


But my husband loves me. He loves me so much. And he thinks I am sexy. He thinks I am beautiful. He tells me every day, several times a day. I am still learning to let that be enough. Why is it the world's definition of sexy that I strive for? 


At the same time, I want to feel sexy. I want to wear lingerie and be confident in it. I want to wear a swim suit on the beach and not feel like I look like the large mammals of the sea. I want to feel sexy.


Is this something I want to obsess about? Of course not. But, if it provides motivation to do this weight loss thing right, then I will use it for that purpose.