But last night, I was not feeling quite the same motivation as I did this morning. I laid in bed with my adorable husband sound asleep next to me and I couldn't seem to quiet my mind. This whole journey of planning the trip to Africa, fundraising, getting all the details in place, finding an organization to help, etc. I have been nothing but excited. My enthusiasm has been hard to miss by those around me. But last night was different.
For the first time, I am scared. So very scared.
I have been overseas before, so that isn't the problem. I have ridden on planes before, so that isn't it either. I hate spiders more than I can explain, but even that isn't it. I think it finally just smacked me in the face last night with the combination of the trip and Christmas coming up. I know, weird connection, but allow me to explain.
This trip is more than just a short term trip for the Mr. and I. This trip is the first taste of what our lives will eventually look like. Someday, we will be getting on a plane and we won't return for a lot longer than 3 weeks. It might be 3 months...3 years. And that means that I will miss Christmases. I will miss birthdays. I will miss babies being born, friends getting married... I will miss life.
So although this trip is only going to last me a few weeks, the lifelong implications are much greater, much scarier than what I can wrap my brain around right now.
Don't get me wrong, I am still so excited. I still have a countdown. I still talk about it all the time. And my whole self wants to be there right now, this moment. But the bigger picture is what terrifies me right now. Part of me is so excited for the big picture, for our future in Africa.
But today, in this moment, and last night as I lay awake, I am scared. And that is ok.
10 days.
The orphanage where we will be working
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