Courage

My husband is the greatest thing in my life. He makes me better, he challenges me, he loves me unconditionally, he adores me, he takes care of me.. The list goes on and on. But while this is the greatest thing in my life, it could quickly turn into the scariest and the worst.

Recently, I have been confronted with death pretty heavily. One of my professors was told just this last week that his wife has cancer and will only live for 2 more years. A girl I went to school with died unexpectedly only 2 weeks ago. I realized that at any moment, the unexpected could happen. My husband has a heart problem and though he is only 21, it could effect him without us even knowing.

I am not trying to be morbid, it was just an awakening for me these past few days that this man that I have fallen in love with, but even more than that have shared my everything with, could be taken from me and I would have no way of stopping it. My loving him and my sharing my everything with him one day could make this relationship the most painful and scariest thing I ever did.

So to me, this love, this marriage, this happiness I have found is the riskiest thing I have ever done. But it is worth it. So worth it. I would never wish to have never met him or never fallen in love with him just so one day I wouldn't feel the pain of losing him. This love and this happiness far outweighs the pain I will feel one day. And so I will live today, in the moment, with him. I will love him better, tell him more often, fight less, enjoy each day and each breath we share together. I will not focus on the pain I will feel some day. Just the happiness he brings me now.

To me this is courage. Love takes courage. Marriage takes courage. Happiness takes courage. So much courage.