I had a breakdown yesterday.
I couldn't really pay too much attention to the Super Bowl because I was in the middle of an eight hour (yes... eight) period of time dedicated to my Greek homework. By the end, my eyes were crossed and I was seeing so many kappas and gammas I thought I was in a frat house for sure.
This masters is kicking my butt.
Its where all of my time goes.
Its where all of my money goes.
Its where all my energy goes.
I rarely see my family, I have had to miss church and give some of my responsibilities away, I had to stop helping coach my sister's basketball team (which let me tell you, coaching basketball is my #1 passion), and have even gotten in trouble at work for not getting some of my stuff done on time. People ask me over and I always have to say no. And I spent the Super Bowl in my apartment having to turn down every invitation to a party that I got.
So about my breakdown, I just started crying. My husband looked over and thought something major was wrong. I told him I felt silly because I was crying over a dumb ancient language, but really it goes deeper than that. I just need some assurance from the big guy upstairs that all of this that I am doing is really what He wants me to do... I just need Him to tell me, "Yes, it will be worth it in the end.. All the sleepless nights, stressing so bad you're physically ill, a complete lack of interaction with other humans, it will all be worth it." I need His strength. I need His confidence. I need His assurance.
I know people have it worse. I don't have cancer. My child isn't sick. No one has died. I haven't lost my home. I get all that. But for a moment, this season of my life is the probably the most stressed, the most overwhelmed I have been.
I just want a reminder that I am on the right track and He will make it all work out for the good of me who loves Him.
You know Britt...your an amazing person. I can honestly say I could not be doing what your doing. I took a voluntary Greek language class at the 4 Square church in Canby....I just could not get it! But my husband, who never completed High School DID get it! Talk about feeling like yucko about that. I was a quitter! Yep...I gave up. SO...I commend you on your enlightening journey in Greek. God will give you the strength to get through it and coming out the back side IN front will be SO good! Don't give up!!! Praying for you!!
ReplyDeleteYou are loved!!!
Proud of you Britt. You wouldn't be on this path if God hadn't called you to it. We all hit walls like this. Don't think for a second that I am belittling yours either, just know that I have hit them too, breakdown and all. You're going to do amazing. And ASK FOR HELP WHEN YOU NEED IT! You have a great support system around you and people who understand when you have to say no. I will be praying for you in this.
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