My Drug Is Legal

While other people's most liked social media pictures contained cute babies, selfies, or adventures, most of my pictures contained weight loss milestones. I had some scale victories, losing 36 pounds and some non-scale ones like clothes fitting SO MUCH better, losing pant sizes, getting to wear my wedding ring again.

But I didn't get nearly as far as I had hoped. I had a goal to lose 50 pounds and I was short.. embarrassingly short. The last part of the year was a struggle for me emotionally and mentally and it really stunted my progress.

I couldn't give up though. I had so many people cheering me on, asking about my health, some even asking me for advice, telling me I inspired them in their own journey. Its so humbling.

I realized too that I learned a lot. I learned that this lifestyle is doable forever. I learned its not a diet, but a different perspective on food. Most importantly, I learned a lot about myself.

First of all, I learned that I lacked self-control in a lot of ways, even outside of the kitchen, and that was something that I worked to fix in 2015. Secondly, I learned that while I thought I had overcome my addiction, I really hadn't. Does an addict ever really stop being an addict? Alcohol addiction must be paid attention for one's entire life, and I realized that is no different with food.

The problem is, my drug is legal. You don't have to be a certain age to buy it, you don't have to hide it from anyone, and honestly, you can't stop the drug completely like you can with vodka or meth. I have to eat! So instead of stopping, I just have to keep taking it and monitoring it.

Let me be clear - drugs, alcohol, and food are very different things... I get that. But, I hope you see my point. I had an unhealthy, emotional attachment to food. It dictated my mood - whether good or bad -, I thought about it often, I spent too much money on it, and I used it as a crutch, because I could control it and for a moment, that control felt good. I HATE not being in control (maybe a post for another time) and food made me feel like I was, even if it wasn't real.

I have a lot more to learn in 2016, but I realized that even if I didn't get quite where I wanted to with my pounds lost, there is still so far that I came on this journey and I am EXCITED to see how much further I get this year!